If you’re confused by how to use JIRA effectively, do not worry! If you learn this process, which is very simple not literally impossible, you too can become good at JIRA passingly competent at JIRA not liable to being fired for being bad at JIRA.

Here are the steps:

• Create personal TODO item to write JIRA ticket
  • Accumulate requirements for JIRA ticket in personal notes
    • Often more complicated than the feature itself
      • This is the System Working™
  • Write TODO items strategizing how to:
    • Share the JIRA ticket with other people
    • Connect it properly with other JIRA tickets
      • Advanced: Also epics, projects, or other meta-JIRA constructs
• Write JIRA ticket
  • Fail to understand what any of the fields are for
    • Oh, they’re required?
  • Ask random people for appropriate values for required fields
    • Sometimes they never get back to you
    • Or they get back two days from then
    • In the meantime, forget you were writing a JIRA ticket
      • And then get reminded only by personal TODO list item
        • You did write one of those, right?
  • Curse the names of whoever designed the schema
    • Find out it’s someone you actually liked
      • It made sense at the time
        • No, it cannot be changed now
• Do follow up connecting JIRA ticket to other people’s JIRA
  • Argue with people about whether JIRA set-up appropriate
  • Reconcile said arguments
• Relitigate everything at next stand-up meeting
  • Potentially go back to beginning to write JIRA ticket again
• Be too tired to code anymore
  • What even is code?